…And people still say that “dancing emo Peter Parker” is as bad as it gets for Spider-Man. To those readers, I say:
“Was this the alternative you wanted?”
After the messy, yet still enjoyable Spider-Man 3, one would think the polarized reactions and jokes at that movie’s expense would have bred some sort of lesson about the dangers of over-reaching franchises. Because there must always be a time in which a studio like Sony just can’t help themselves, though, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 sets itself up as a franchise starter that shoots for the stars, only for the proverbial spaceship to hit a meteor on the way due to the drunken, complacent driving of its crew. Flawed as it was, The Amazing Spider-Man was still a good film in enough places that it at least could be classified as “decent”. Still, with how much the characters took a back seat to the overarching plot of the attempted series, one could be forgiven for believing that all the good from the first film happened in spite of the story and creative process, and not because of it. One could make the argument that the old “Spider-Man” movies had just as much enterprise-born cynicism behind it, but their presentation, writing and pulpy energy at least made it impossible to be bored, even in its most flawed installment. The Amazing Spider-Man, flawed as it was, could have some energy pumped into it by the sequel, and it could have made for a step in the same sort of fun direction. Instead, what we got in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was an utterly unfocused, thoughtless, and desperate movie that simply exists to set up a future cash flow it so desperately wants, but never truly earns.
A year or so after the events of the first film, Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield), haunted by the final wishes of Gwen Stacy’s (Emma Stone) father, decides to end the relationship he’s since started with her. Understandably heartbroken, Peter decides to continue protecting New York as Spider-Man and investigating the scientific efforts of his deceased parents, finally getting a much needed lead in the form of lifelong friend (and by “lifelong”, I mean “never mentioned in the last film“), Harry Osborn (Dane DeHann). It’s through exchanges with Harry that Peter learns that his parents were working on a long-term project: a cure for a genetic disease that Norman Osborn is currently dying of. This project somehow resulted in the creation of the arachnid that bit Peter, and Harry theorizes that Spider-Man’s powers are somehow linked to the cure. Not wanting to be doomed as his father is, Harry becomes determined to obtain a blood sample from Spider-Man in order to heal himself (something that Peter has a problem with for no decipherable reason). To make matters even more complicated, Oscorp worker and nerdy Spider-Man fan Max Dillon (Jamie Foxx), is rendered a human mutate by a freak accident involving electric eels at the Oscorp labs, and takes out his supposed neglect from the hero he deemed his friend by turning to super-powered crime as Electro. Peter has yet to realize is, but Dillon is far from the only threat he’ll face, as it becomes increasingly apparent that tragedy, hardship, and a cavalcade of villains are lurking not far behind him.
Oh, and The Rhino (Paul Giamatti) is in this movie.
Now, in my attempts to be fair and balanced, I will begin this review by listing all of the positives of The Amazing Spider-Man 2:
- This movie has the unambiguously best costume of any live-action “Spider-Man”.
- Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone manage to be occasionally adorable in their interactions.
If my prior plot synopsis seemed a bit haphazard and all over the place, the blame cannot be placed strictly on me. That sort of structure is, in fact, how the movie deliberately plays out, and the only signs of actual pathos are in the aforementioned romance scenes, which are at least better paced and written than in the first movie. Every other narrative element serves to hinder whatever central conflict there is. Electro, for instance, is a laughable side character turned villain. His pre-transformation screen time totals maybe ten minutes, the entirety of which only establishes that his is socially inept and that being saved by Spider-Man once made him a rabid fan. Harry Osborn/Green Goblin doesn’t fair much better, either. Dane DeHaan’s best efforts don’t change the fact that his turn to main antagonist is an easily preventable plot point that Peter had no reason for instigating other than the script demanding it. Speaking of flowing as the script demands, the over-hyped, under-cooked mystery surrounding Peter’s parents dominates much of his motivation and the film’s run time, and even though it’s had two movies to tug viewers along, it still lacks any bearing on the story of Peter’s struggles as Spider-Man. Furthermore, what once was hackneyed and uninteresting in the last film becomes infuriating in this one upon the revelation that Harry Osborn exists in this continuity, since the investigation that ate up so much screen time could have ended the second he entered the narrative. And what, pray tell, does the years-long mystery of the death and work of the Parker parents lead to?
Somehow, against all logic, the creation of the tech meant to be used by the Sinister Six in future films. There’s “suspension of disbelief”, and then there’s just “suspension of human patterns of logic”.
I’m usually not one for being this caustic in my written reviews, and I really wanted to count all the positives of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but the complete ineptitude of this film is on display in every big point and every small point (such as the self-destructive nature of the lemmings they call civilians in this movie, and the shoehorned, immeasurable instances of Sony product placement). I might have forgiven all of this, except the movie never tries to have fun or wear its heart on its sleeve like any of the previous few scenes do. I may have been lighter on it when it came out, but history has only vindicated my hindsight criticisms of this waste of talent and concepts. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is possibly remarkable for being the stupidest in a series of movies that had the Tobey Macguire emo dance, but that’s about it. Avoid.
Rich Reviews 